The transition from vanilla wife to scandalous hotwife has been a long arduous journey for me. Like most women, it was initially my husband's fantasy that dragged me out from behind the safety of my white picket fence in the suburbs kicking and screaming into a subculture of a lascivious lifestyle fraught with potential landmines.
During those first few years after I learned the truth, I processed the information much like a widow moves through the seven stages of grief. My marriage had changed irrevocably and whether or not I acquiesced and adopted the lifestyle, the dynamics of my relationship with my husband had shifted permanently. I felt betrayed, disposable, and used. I believed the man I loved and trusted saw me as nothing more than a whore to be used for his sexual entertainment.
Nothing could or would ever be the same. Once he'd opened Pandora's Box, I could either have enough courage to see what was inside, or live in a delusional state of defiance, refusing to accept that my husband's dream was to share me with other men while he either enjoyed my sexual exploits vicariously, or engaged in the experience as an active participant.
As my husband's hunger to see me "taken" by other men increased, he began to insist that I was missing a great opportunity. Who wouldn't want to explore the freedom of finding physical pleasure with random lovers while safely wrapped in the cocoon of a loving caring relationship?
In the beginning, my husband and I began to explore the concept, but it was all talk, nothing more than verbal foreplay if you will. I soon discovered the hotter the description of the sex I had with my imaginary lovers, the more intense his orgasms became. Soon his need to see the fantasy become a reality had grown into an obsession. Much to my surprise, his game had ignited a fire of desire in my own fantasies, and I began to warm to the idea.
I am somewhat well preserved for a woman of my age, and frequently still attract the attention of younger men. How many of these young hard bodies could I turn away, and still count myself among the sane? Finally, a chance sexual encounter hot enough to melt the sheets and leave me begging for more forced me to reconsider my initial response. I began to wonder if maybe my husband had a point after all.
After my world (read body) had been rocked by a complete stranger, I realized that great sex did not have to be accompanied by any sort of emotional attachment. My husband had been right, and if I could find a way to separate the two, why not take the risks. Much to my husband's surprise, I was ready to revisit the topic with an open mind, and definitely had a renewed interest in the outcome. We eventually agreed on a set of perimeters as a couple, and then spent hours discussing potential hazards and outcomes, followed by frank candid discussions about expectations.
And so it finally began. There were a multitude of men to choose from who yearned for a woman that did not require courtship or commitment to get to the climax. The biggest challenge became sorting through potential candidates to find just the right fuckbuddy.
After I'd met and chosen the perfect specimen of the male gender for my initiation into the club, I was having a hard time remembering why I'd been so reluctant to explore the freedom of a hotwife life. The first encounter, however, served as an immediate and painful reminder that old adages stood the test of time because there was usually validity in the trite idioms.
I soon learned Robert Burns had been right. The best laid plans of mice and men can leave in its wake little more than grief and despair. What had started as an attempt to fulfill a wild, salacious fantasy was in reality becoming an unfulfilling, dismal experience that left me disappointed and dissatisfied. While the no strings attached aspect of this lifestyle suited me just fine, the casual component was creating an emotional void that left me drained and depressed after each encounter.
It soon became apparent that my husband and I had gone about making this transition from the wrong end of the spectrum. We'd spent months engaged in research, trying to find the right way to fit into the Hotwife lifestyle. We should have been concentrating on incorporating the various elements of this subculture into our marriage. There is no set definition for becoming a hotwife, no failsafe set of detailed instructions to follow ensuring that the sexual freedom it offers will enhance your sex life as a couple, or as an individual.
It was time to reevaluate the Hotwife lifestyle as it applied to us and the love we shared. Our quest for sexual satisfaction had to be based on our individual needs and seen from our unique perspective as a couple. We first had to determine what components of the loosely defined lifestyle we would keep, and what part of the potential three way relationship we could share comfortably, either vicariously or physically.
After we'd reconvened, we started over with revised rules and new policies in place based on my needs, not his. I had to find someone with whom I could share a connection that extended beyond the bedroom, and my husband would have to learn to accept this friendship in whatever form it took.
This experience was still one we would share, and our guiding principle remained the same. We would find a sexual partner for me, and hopefully a friend for him, but no matter what happened we would use this three-way relationship to bring us closer. We may have had to change directions, but we've stayed the course together. The path has twisted and turned, but we remain committed to each other and our marriage.
I do not suggest that we have all the answers, or the restrictions we've set have not been stretched to the breaking point at times. After two years of on this journey of discovery, our experiences have ranged from ridiculous to riveting, but we are enjoying the ride.
Life is all about choices and the one my husband and I made to live ours openly and consciously offers us a rare opportunity to redefine sexual boundaries and become more committed to our marriage than we ever were before. Evolution, by definition, is a gradual process, an ever changing progression that hopefully transforms something from its original form into something better. So far it's working for us.